Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Where's the Love!!!!!

Emotions run wild and food gets in the way. You know what I mean, It's called emotional eating. That is what happens to me. When I feel undermined or put down, all I want to do is eat comfort food. I give up on loosing the weight and feel like what difference does it make.

I just get that down feeling and every bit of reasoning leaves me. All my knowledge of what's right and not so right to eat goes by the wayside.

Lately I have really felt this way. At home and outside home. Feeling inadequate in my life. No decision I make or item I cook is good enough. My Daughter, who is overweight complains about the meal. Hubby sides with her. there I said it! I have two saboteurs in my house.

Support is so important, however trying to please the household and being a short order cook seems to be a must for us Mothers and Wives. I cook a roast, everyone else wants Chinese food. I cook Chinese food, everyone wants Roast. Whatever I cook they do not want it.

So, I want to run away to a spa resort and get the support I long for.

Of course this topic does run into other parts of my life, Health decision, Love Making, friendships, parenting and other areas. I think I get more upset when it comes to my weight issues. Due to my self esteem issue, I get emotional. That brings the hurt unloved feelings to the surface.
I really need to deal with the part of my life.

I love my family and know they love me. However Now I can not talk to them about matters of m heart, It just causes discernment and does no one any good. They do what it right in their own eyes. I have no say and weight in the household. So Why Bother!!!

So, this is my daily journal entry. I want to be taken away and find a better feeling. I tend to run away from the situation. Therefore I need to overcome this feeling of running away from things. For it does no good, I will only come back to the situation. This year I will have to remain silent on matters and go within myself, become a silent partner and make no decisions. Feed the family and so not eat with them. Let them do what ever, most of all I need to take care of me. I want to live a long time. Since they really do not care about themselves. I have stop and canceled all the doctors appointment for my daughter. I will not let her decisions, reflect on me. It is her life and she will at some point decided what direction she is headed. Same for my hubby, I will no longer insist on him loosing the weight and taking care of his health issues. His is old enough to make his own decisions.

I will not let them bully me or be forced from my home. It is my home and I will take care of it and myself. Some one cares for me I am sure, and that is me.

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